Duchess Julia of Yachy’s story, as told to B. Harper of the Nine Moons Court during her time in captivity. The Duchess would later give up her position of privilege after the revolution of 2318. All records of her have disappeared and her final resting place is not known.
In times of silence I can feel the edges of who I might be if things had been different.
I picture myself as older. Not physically older—but as someone who has been through storms and come out the other side. She’s not proud of her past, but she deals with the memories and the consequences. She’s been to the other side and back. Redemption isn’t a word like any other word; it’s the tool that carved away excess and revealed the image in the Sculptor’s mind.
When she’s awake, she’s sharp, preternaturally aware of surroundings and undercurrents and motivations. Words are used to incise meaning on others, never a stroke of the chisel wasted. They remember her after she’s stepped out the door; even if they don’t like her, they respect her mind.
When she’s sleeping, she dreams of muddy rivers and faded light. She saw an angel once but never knew if she was dreaming or awake. Sometimes she is afraid she will never wake from the dreaming.
When she lives, she lives fully; when she withdraws, nothing can touch her.
She is someone with presence, the authority that comes from painful experience. She is someone to wonder at and pursue. She never lets more than a handful get through to trust and be trusted, but even those on the outside know: this is a worthwhile person.
I am not her. I am built for adoring other people and wish that someone would adore me. All I want is to love and be loved. My struggles are small things; I am more often pitiful than noble. I have no grand story or vision. Eyes do not follow me when I enter a room; hearts do not often seek me out for counsel or companionship; ears do not listen for my reasoning or teaching or humor.
The edges intersect my true self and cut deeply. But which will be the victor? The one who is the weapon wielded by a lying heart? Or the one who desires above all to have the highest calling of love?
